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Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34539) - you deserved it (11770)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

#21135494
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36645) - you deserved it (3509)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

#21149559
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40489) - you deserved it (3016)

On 05/23/2014 at 8:09pm - misc - by ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

#21138238
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37451) - you deserved it (4739)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:46pm - animals - by that_culinary_degree_though (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (4300)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

#21175721
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35186) - you deserved it (3579)

On 06/15/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44261) - you deserved it (4226)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

#21327508
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28811) - you deserved it (2598)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Excalibur6669 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

#21340989
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31934) - you deserved it (4565)

On 01/20/2015 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by fun in functioning, I suppose - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

#21326232
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30197) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/28/2014 at 11:55pm - misc - by justwantedtounpack - United States

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
62 comments

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

#21281210
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25710) - you deserved it (7802)

On 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39858) - you deserved it (2533)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

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