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Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (4300)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

#21149559
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40487) - you deserved it (3016)

On 05/23/2014 at 8:09pm - misc - by ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

#21327508
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28810) - you deserved it (2598)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Excalibur6669 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

#21175721
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35182) - you deserved it (3579)

On 06/15/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44258) - you deserved it (4226)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

#21244619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32138) - you deserved it (5880)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:08pm - animals - by notmyrealname123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

#21231280
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38704) - you deserved it (2573)

On 08/06/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by spitstopper - United States (Alabama)

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

#21326232
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30192) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/28/2014 at 11:55pm - misc - by justwantedtounpack - United States

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

#21260387
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32600) - you deserved it (2471)

On 09/18/2014 at 12:05am - health - by adamwilcockson - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39859) - you deserved it (2532)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

#21281210
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25709) - you deserved it (7803)

On 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29999) - you deserved it (4766)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was hit with a sudden onset of diarrhea and had to use the washroom on the train. As soon as I pulled down my pants, my worst nightmare came true, as someone opened the door and exposed me to the other passengers. FML



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