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Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

#449
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19397) - you deserved it (2734)

On 12/04/2008 at 6:16am - misc - by DarkPhoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to spend a night of love with my darling, so I arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number and waited in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it enticingly, convinced it was him. It was room service. FML

#457
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25192) - you deserved it (9588)

On 12/05/2008 at 11:54pm - intimacy - by vaness@ - Sent from mobile version

Today, my brand new (and very expensive) laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one! Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind it makes a cool sound. FML

#458
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18396) - you deserved it (3356)

On 12/06/2008 at 2:51am - misc - by harry - Sent from mobile version

Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML

#763
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23776) - you deserved it (1676)

On 12/30/2008 at 10:21pm - love - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

#997
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28014) - you deserved it (7539)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by LiLGeek - United States (California)

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

#1052
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4362) - you deserved it (30398)

On 01/13/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by dannij08 - United States (California)

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

#1975
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21586) - you deserved it (1291)

On 01/21/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by mat - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

#2053
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14423) - you deserved it (1728)

On 01/21/2009 at 12:03pm - love - by maddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

#2411
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23579) - you deserved it (1724)

On 01/24/2009 at 5:41am - love - by NJ - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

#2424
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14452) - you deserved it (1920)

On 01/24/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

#7761
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7959) - you deserved it (27561)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by suicide (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

#26811
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52707) - you deserved it (1889)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by EKG (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

#30954
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41216) - you deserved it (3659)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by cdaniel2 (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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