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Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

by thanatophobia / 03/14/2010 at 8:20pm / Work

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

by Anna / 03/18/2010 at 8:20am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

by Username / 07/16/2010 at 12:17am / Health

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

by leftout / 05/13/2010 at 3:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

by Shooter71 / 10/16/2010 at 12:09am / Intimacy

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

by edodge / 10/14/2010 at 11:03pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:05am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

by rattness / 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

by Anon / 11/08/2010 at 1:34pm / Singapore / Health

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

by alltimelove / 11/18/2010 at 10:34am / Animals