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Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

by ziatenaj / 10/15/2010 at 6:52am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

by Username / 10/18/2010 at 11:52am / Transportation

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

by augh / 12/10/2010 at 3:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

by bottomdrawerraider / 11/17/2010 at 12:13pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 1:34am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Love

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

by stutterernotschizophrenic / 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 4:55pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML

by hugme101 / 12/19/2010 at 7:20pm / Canada / Love

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

by peacechick25 / 01/02/2011 at 4:36am / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

by edulover / 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

by dibman / 01/07/2011 at 4:11am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

by mel / 01/18/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 11:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals