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Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

by The captain / 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

by psychicmother / 09/09/2011 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 6:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 1:20am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2011 at 9:33pm / United States / Work

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

by Messiahman / 10/29/2011 at 9:31pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML

by memoryloss / 12/04/2011 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boss announced that instead of holiday bonuses being on the cards, the company is going under and we'll all be out of a job next year. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States / Work

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

by dulllife / 12/08/2011 at 2:30am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

by Lentil / 01/31/2012 at 8:13am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

by baddriver / 01/31/2012 at 12:17pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

by abrooks88 / 02/08/2012 at 11:53am / United States / Work

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

by Saw / 02/10/2012 at 9:14pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation