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Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

#718
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26517) - you deserved it (3112)

On 01/06/2009 at 6:58am - love - by musamalia - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18979) - you deserved it (36909)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

#2336
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9270) - you deserved it (51988)

On 01/23/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by sadgirl - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

#2635
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44613) - you deserved it (10503)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

#4121
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31458) - you deserved it (5341)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Lars - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

#13946
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30768) - you deserved it (3258)

On 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

#22263
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47084) - you deserved it (16437)

On 02/10/2009 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

#118057
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61216) - you deserved it (6942)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:31pm - love - by Kfeaaa (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71633) - you deserved it (3112)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

#134892
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44975) - you deserved it (3098)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML

#868262
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54039) - you deserved it (13643)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:49am - misc - by bkeiya (man) - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39328) - you deserved it (2590)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

#1716877
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41990) - you deserved it (16092)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JuniorDetective (man) - United States (Florida)



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