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Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

by :^( / 12/07/2013 at 12:30pm / Bahrain (Madinat) / Health

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

by sydstreet / 12/25/2013 at 10:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

by dantko / 01/01/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

by khfhjfsb / 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 1:51pm / Mayotte / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

by owmyfoot / 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

by Depirama / 02/28/2014 at 4:26pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

by FallCameEarly / 02/27/2014 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 1:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2014 at 3:31pm / Singapore / Transportation

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

by aziraphaleelle / 03/18/2014 at 4:10am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

by Sad Nerd / 04/02/2014 at 4:20am / United States (Arizona) / Money