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Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

#476
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24377) - you deserved it (3607)

On 12/09/2008 at 3:59am - love - by Velian - Sent from mobile version

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

#487
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30002) - you deserved it (6378)

On 12/10/2008 at 2:48am - intimacy - by Sugao - Sent from mobile version

Today, I help myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I don't like it much so I discreetly attempt to give it to the girl next to me. I ask her "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replies: "Thanks, I made it." FML

#506
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6330) - you deserved it (17988)

On 12/13/2008 at 1:54am - misc - by Nawel - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

#525
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22254) - you deserved it (5868)

On 12/16/2008 at 2:05am - love - by Gen - Sent from mobile version

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

#591
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19812) - you deserved it (5019)

On 12/25/2008 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Nicos - Sent from mobile version

Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

#1021
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29265) - you deserved it (2368)

On 01/13/2009 at 5:06am - money - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

#1065
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8001) - you deserved it (35632)

On 01/14/2009 at 3:49am - intimacy - by diddlysquat - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

#3093
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20812) - you deserved it (1900)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by likwidsol - United States (New York)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24170) - you deserved it (4545)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

#8629
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26893) - you deserved it (5845)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

#20511
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6060) - you deserved it (45715)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by EOJ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46502) - you deserved it (4560)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

#2039124
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39617) - you deserved it (2294)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)



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