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Today, it's my birthday. My parents, whom I live with, told me that they did not get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 9:21am / United Kingdom (London) / Money

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 1:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

by soul0eater / 03/12/2011 at 2:18am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Kids

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

by screwedhousemate / 03/28/2011 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 1:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

by wet / 04/23/2011 at 2:33pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

by wow / 05/05/2011 at 2:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2011 at 2:12pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 11:31am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

by xXEndlesslullabyXx / 06/05/2011 at 2:15pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

by Whoops / 06/05/2011 at 9:44pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

by Hello / 06/20/2011 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Love