Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

by 4lphab3t4 / 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

by Creepedout / 11/18/2015 at 10:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

by anonymous / 11/10/2015 at 5:15pm / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2015 at 8:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

by pincushion / 12/31/2015 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Health

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

by itchyyet / 01/03/2016 at 12:52am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

by sharee / 12/19/2015 at 3:51pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML

by Shy_Shiloh / 01/21/2016 at 3:58am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

by :/ / 01/30/2016 at 2:45am / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2016 at 5:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

by Kan23 / 01/25/2016 at 10:37pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 7:01pm / United States / Health

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

by Mr. X / 02/23/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous