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Today, I was walking down the stairs holding a glass of water, when I tripped. I don't know what hurts more, that I'm still picking glass out of my hand or that my mum is still ranting about the water I'd spilt. FML

by Lolzords / 09/14/2010 at 6:44am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

by Shooter71 / 10/16/2010 at 12:09am / Intimacy

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

by edodge / 10/14/2010 at 11:03pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, after taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiancé had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. FML

by grimatwork / 11/01/2010 at 1:24pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:05am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

by rattness / 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

by alltimelove / 11/18/2010 at 10:34am / Animals

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

by Seline / 11/25/2010 at 9:48am / Animals

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

by promoted / 12/20/2010 at 12:29am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 2:54am / United States / Health