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Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

by Megan / 02/23/2009 at 11:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

by anonymous / 03/22/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

by Mkester / 03/24/2009 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking into class when the guy i like walked in and said "Gross it smells like grandma in here. What, did someone bathe in their perfume today?" I was the only girl in the room and I just bought new perfume. I thought I smelled good, apparently I didn't. FML

by eMmA01 / 04/13/2009 at 10:50pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2009 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

by Rachel / 05/18/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

by StUbbY / 07/09/2009 at 10:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

by ollie_ollivia / 07/11/2009 at 7:11pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

by Cyberella / 07/17/2009 at 1:36am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

by RupeeLink / 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

by passedoutpolly / 07/31/2009 at 10:35pm / United States (Florida) / Health