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Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

by mumfordandsonimdisappointed / 08/29/2015 at 1:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

by shitfaced / 09/18/2015 at 1:30pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

by meunluckycharms / 09/14/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

by whatdidimarry / 09/24/2015 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Miscellaneous

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

by shitbucketsfilledwithshit / 10/08/2015 at 12:04pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

by wellshitthen / 10/21/2015 at 3:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2015 at 1:15am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

by 4lphab3t4 / 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

by killmenow / 12/03/2015 at 12:33am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML