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Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

by fml / 01/04/2015 at 10:10pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

by kumcat / 01/11/2015 at 12:57am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

by Tired / 01/12/2015 at 9:36am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

by licensed_ginger / 01/08/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

by not a cancerous pimple / 01/30/2015 at 7:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

by okseñoryoucrazy / 02/01/2015 at 7:43pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my boss refused to give me vacation time for my wedding and honeymoon because she didn't have a honeymoon and because of that apparently neither should I. FML

by bingalingading / 02/11/2015 at 8:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 5:52am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

by musicteacher / 03/12/2015 at 6:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

by GROSS / 03/07/2015 at 10:58am / Bangladesh / Miscellaneous

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

by ellabellabooboo / 03/21/2015 at 10:27pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, I arrived at work to find out someone had signed me up to a dating site. Apparently, my inability to speak to women has reached "boss level". Quite literally, as my boss was the one who signed me up. FML

by ctmoto77 / 03/24/2015 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Love