Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

#14989370
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13642) - you deserved it (41753)

On 02/15/2011 at 10:30am - love - by Dj sMoZ! -

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26452) - you deserved it (3024)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

#15401902
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20833) - you deserved it (9601)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:32pm - misc - by thebravelittletoaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

#17973264
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (6137)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27am - misc - by happyshit (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

#16234308
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29712) - you deserved it (9030)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

#19373619
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (2676)

On 03/29/2012 at 11:48pm - misc - by LassieToe (woman) - Australia

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn't go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

#16838274
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37590) - you deserved it (7954)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:04pm - love - by pinocchio - United States

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

#17652760
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (2759)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

#17475917
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34274) - you deserved it (2990)

On 08/15/2011 at 12:16am - love - by Alex (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

#15861693
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32949) - you deserved it (4192)

On 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm - misc - by sosadstudent (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25544) - you deserved it (8483)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

#19211891
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23033) - you deserved it (3341)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML

#18087058
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you deserved it (2610)

On 10/27/2011 at 4:06am - misc - by unlucky - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: