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Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:51pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, a group of carolers was coming up my street, so I went out in the cold to wait for them. When they finally arrived, I waved and greeted them. They huddled up discussing something while pointing at me, then skipped my house. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2010 at 2:42am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

by Kristin / 01/02/2011 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 5:19am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 11:44am / Switzerland / Health

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

by inthecold / 02/19/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

by YeahItsmecoolhuh / 02/17/2011 at 1:50am / United Arab Emirates / Animals

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

by naughtytwinsisters / 02/25/2011 at 3:27am / Philippines (Manila) / Money

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

by Kimberlie / 03/15/2011 at 5:23am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

by kharrington / 04/07/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy