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Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34558) - you deserved it (5592)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37833) - you deserved it (9607)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50514) - you deserved it (9195)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

#21232284
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (3560)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:13am - work - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35398) - you deserved it (2717)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

#21253357
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38962) - you deserved it (2773)

On 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm - animals - by Meowit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36779) - you deserved it (3482)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31615) - you deserved it (2628)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

#21279967
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29208) - you deserved it (3347)

On 10/17/2014 at 4:12pm - health - by catt - Germany (Berlin)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33574) - you deserved it (3676)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27784) - you deserved it (11618)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

#21293619
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (3978)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by really - United States

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30349) - you deserved it (4787)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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