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Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

by bluediva24 / 01/25/2011 at 7:54pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that in conclusion to working five nights in a row, I'm scheduled to work the night shift on Valentine's day with my ex-boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2011 at 12:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, this guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

by madelynn / 01/30/2011 at 9:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

by KaraAnn17 / 02/12/2011 at 11:29am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

by anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 12:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML

by magoo16 / 02/21/2011 at 12:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

by horriblegf / 02/26/2011 at 7:18am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2011 at 12:18pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Health

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

by Peppermint / 03/17/2011 at 6:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

by Bailey / 04/05/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2011 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

by Phantommajik / 05/10/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation