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Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2015 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

by BERNDTOAST / 03/27/2015 at 11:27am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

by fuck right off / 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

by Wellfu / 04/02/2015 at 10:48am / Europe / Work

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

by wtf bro / 05/20/2015 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2015 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Limavady) / Work

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

by sparkyjaf / 05/14/2015 at 8:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

by YuckyDuckyLucky / 06/03/2015 at 1:36pm / Norway (Oslo) / Health

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

by notfuckingpaidenough / 06/13/2015 at 7:45am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

by postop / 06/25/2015 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, the new girl told me that a guy at the back of the class was being creepy. I looked over and saw him picking his nose and flinging boogers at the girls sitting in the front. That guy is my boyfriend. FML

by sweetsixteenyay / 06/25/2015 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Caerphilly) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

by Andrew / 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

by gerbilmaster / 07/09/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (Washington) / Health