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Today, I got excited about finishing up my laundry detergent and softener, because I could get new ones. FML

by TheVengefulGeek / 09/13/2015 at 5:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

by Colin Jr. / 09/23/2015 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

by cherokeems / 10/20/2015 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

by Wtf / 11/03/2015 at 5:06pm / Love

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

by Anon / 12/04/2015 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex got arrested for stealing. His new girlfriend texted me asking if I could lend her money to bail him out. FML

by anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:07pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

by SadIndianLife / 11/15/2015 at 4:00pm / India (Delhi) / Love

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

by kevinfmls / 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

by Roll Tide of Tears / 01/16/2016 at 10:28pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

by FullCircleProblem / 01/27/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

by Really / 01/15/2016 at 11:25am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

by Anon / 02/09/2016 at 7:39am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation