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Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

#21112602
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43889) - you deserved it (5551)

On 04/14/2014 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

#21111233
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41556) - you deserved it (4237)

On 04/12/2014 at 3:59pm - kids - by BeatByA9yrold (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

#21128889
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41194) - you deserved it (3998)

On 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

#21151195
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43513) - you deserved it (7091)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:35pm - health - by 5p4571k (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

#21151208
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36458) - you deserved it (5992)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:46pm - love - by aww, such a nice guy. NOT (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

#21161981
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35184) - you deserved it (4308)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:51pm - misc - by Aether - United States (Texas)

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

#21169503
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41030) - you deserved it (3917)

On 06/10/2014 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29460) - you deserved it (2753)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

#21225648
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40562) - you deserved it (6508)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:51am - health - by jogginglikeitsmyjob (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

#21233543
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33331) - you deserved it (19636)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by ThatsNotGrass (man) - Canada

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

#21332463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33227) - you deserved it (2041)

On 01/07/2015 at 1:03am - health - by random875 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was getting a pedicure to cheer myself up. I've been so lonely, I got overly excited when someone sat next to me, because I got to pretend I had a friend. FML

#21286908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31922) - you deserved it (3886)

On 10/28/2014 at 10:07am - misc - by bottombarrel - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

#21227320
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43187) - you deserved it (3662)

On 08/02/2014 at 1:35am - love - by bertiebeth - Australia (New South Wales)



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