Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

by gross / 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

by ireallylikecats / 04/22/2015 at 9:31am / United States / Kids

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2015 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Limavady) / Work

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

by sistertaxi / 05/14/2015 at 10:23am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

by pheonixxe / 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm / United States (Wyoming) / Kids

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 9:56pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

by carl_carl_ / 07/13/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

by anon / 07/27/2015 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

by still single / 08/05/2015 at 9:22pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

by TheDenmarkian / 08/04/2015 at 5:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.