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Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38650) - you deserved it (3165)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

#21089760
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34528) - you deserved it (3984)

On 03/18/2014 at 4:10am - work - by aziraphaleelle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

#21162641
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37471) - you deserved it (5704)

On 06/04/2014 at 9:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

#21150425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45846) - you deserved it (3818)

On 05/24/2014 at 5:20pm - misc - by NaCl - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

#21154073
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41616) - you deserved it (7626)

On 05/27/2014 at 11:23pm - health - by idk - United States (Virginia)

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

#21159082
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33906) - you deserved it (8561)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:28am - animals - by Fat Arsed Lass - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

#21157299
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43472) - you deserved it (4914)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Mem (woman) - Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45125) - you deserved it (8470)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

#21173638
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (5597)

On 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

#21184159
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39647) - you deserved it (4649)

On 06/22/2014 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

#21189057
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36024) - you deserved it (10787)

On 06/26/2014 at 10:58am - misc - by DF (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

#21236025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41258) - you deserved it (8863)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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