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Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

#20673625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40736) - you deserved it (5588)

On 05/19/2013 at 7:07pm - misc - by black hoodie - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52674) - you deserved it (4461)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

#20666438
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47776) - you deserved it (6167)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:31am - money - by astalkerindeed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24201) - you deserved it (49542)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

#20684256
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40022) - you deserved it (4344)

On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

#20681237
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40830) - you deserved it (5082)

On 05/23/2013 at 3:13am - love - by phoenixditch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50254) - you deserved it (3355)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37028) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53045) - you deserved it (3414)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53851) - you deserved it (3733)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

#20808032
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44144) - you deserved it (3330)

On 07/28/2013 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovenia (Ruse Commune)

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

#20823746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46728) - you deserved it (4401)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Eodowoiono (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

#20838885
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45285) - you deserved it (8036)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by insomniac x2 (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)



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