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Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

#1321
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9234) - you deserved it (38044)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:34am - intimacy - by horny bastard - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML

#1634
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7466) - you deserved it (29145)

On 01/18/2009 at 4:57pm - love - by indian:( - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

#2727
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26613) - you deserved it (2677)

On 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by glittercat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

#5857
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8864) - you deserved it (45184)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

#123831
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49046) - you deserved it (5496)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

#171623
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50334) - you deserved it (8309)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:36pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out.' He was right. FML

#1148346
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42656) - you deserved it (24027)

On 04/20/2009 at 8:21am - misc - by indi1011 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

#3163713
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43508) - you deserved it (11500)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

#2963436
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6953) - you deserved it (53738)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11855) - you deserved it (59764)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32950) - you deserved it (2945)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14193) - you deserved it (54548)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

#2367025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13645) - you deserved it (44062)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:14am - health - by KKimrae_ness (woman) - United States (California)



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