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Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

by ohgodwhy / 11/27/2012 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

by CambodianAsshole / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

by movingbuddy / 01/08/2013 at 8:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

by theawfulpresent / 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

by hoolabaloo / 03/07/2013 at 10:53pm / India (Gujarat) / Love

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

by Maxie / 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 11:13am / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

by Ann / 03/18/2013 at 10:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

by InNeedOfFriends / 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

by could be an fml commenter / 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

by justgivemethed / 04/25/2013 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Work