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Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

#19123444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20694) - you deserved it (3202)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm - animals - by good_gravy (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

#14948689
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37278) - you deserved it (3205)

On 02/12/2011 at 11:29am - intimacy - by KaraAnn17 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

#15124262
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33933) - you deserved it (5439)

On 02/26/2011 at 7:18am - intimacy - by horriblegf - United States

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at 3 o'clock. I allowed thirty minutes for the drive, but when I put my key in the ignition, the car wouldn't start. FML

#17017603
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27113) - you deserved it (4112)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:29pm - work - by Username - United States

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn't go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

#16838274
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34902) - you deserved it (7627)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:04pm - love - by pinocchio - United States

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

#15528059
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29510) - you deserved it (3933)

On 03/28/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by screwedhousemate (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

#18738819
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (2926)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:50pm - kids - by ProudMama (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, the passport office informed me I won't get my passport in time to go on holidays. However, they took the money for the passport out of my account 2 months ago, causing me to go overdrawn, and not pay my travel insurance. The same insurance I needed to get the cost of the holiday back. FML

#9350215
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (4345)

On 03/24/2010 at 8:11am - misc - by Clauric (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

#17786304
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28203) - you deserved it (2618)

On 09/20/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by ugly? - United States

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

#17555162
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (1957)

On 08/23/2011 at 2:42am - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

#19032748
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9258) - you deserved it (16173)

On 02/09/2012 at 6:29am - money - by thatgirl34 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

#16355450
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27878) - you deserved it (6353)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by Emoney1 - Canada

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9197) - you deserved it (35835)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium



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