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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

#434
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31723) - you deserved it (2012)

On 12/02/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by lamb-chop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

#2119
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18809) - you deserved it (3522)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by Daryll - United States (California)

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

#16441
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46988) - you deserved it (8219)

On 02/09/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

#5857
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8830) - you deserved it (45088)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21466) - you deserved it (38121)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

#979706
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46961) - you deserved it (10093)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

#2752400
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50736) - you deserved it (3869)

On 06/09/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by unfortunate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

#2934855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39632) - you deserved it (4525)

On 06/16/2009 at 5:13am - love - by flowerfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML

#972350
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20656) - you deserved it (56017)

On 04/14/2009 at 3:12pm - misc - by getslostinherownhouse (woman) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

#5181151
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8719) - you deserved it (38585)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by 0ptimu5 (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was on a very crowded bus, standing near the back door. People had to get off at the stop, and being near the door, I had to step off the bus, allowing the people to exit. I was about to enter back into the bus, the door closed and the bus driver took off, leaving me stranded. FML

#2984203
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39478) - you deserved it (5425)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by coco (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

#2735407
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35805) - you deserved it (22687)

On 06/09/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Free State)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16075) - you deserved it (46777)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)



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