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Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

by rara1989 / 12/13/2011 at 7:15am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

by naomids / 12/29/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2012 at 10:30pm / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

by no money anymore / 01/17/2012 at 10:31pm / United States / Money

Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute of waltzing to a song on the radio, he stepped away and said, "You smell bad. You need to take a shower." FML

by potatoes / 01/16/2012 at 10:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2012 at 7:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

by nobrows / 04/06/2012 at 1:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first day of a new factory job, I discovered that my new boss had lied to me about my hours. I found this out when my coworkers burst out laughing when I mentioned having the weekends off, and talking about my recreational plans. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Work

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

by Aw522 / 05/30/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

by TimeForAHairCut / 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 7:38am / Italy / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

by RIP / 07/15/2012 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous