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Today, on a nature hike, covered in poison oak rashes from the day before, I accidentally stepped on a hornets' nest. I'm now covered in hornet stings and I can't scratch the poison oak because I might accidentally touch the stings. FML

by RHChiliPeppers / 09/11/2015 at 8:05pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, the father of my unborn child got laid off. Without a work visa, he may have to leave the country before this baby even arrives. FML

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

by Quicky5_ / 11/03/2015 at 1:58am / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

by nothowscienceworks / 11/13/2015 at 2:06am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

by Quendolin / 11/09/2015 at 9:07am / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

by hell / 11/14/2015 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my girlfriend wasn't kidding when she said that if I hit her cervix just the 'right' way during sex, she'd puke. I was on the bottom. FML

by VisceralWolf / 01/26/2016 at 1:35am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

by thegirlwiththedumbassbf / 03/23/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

by an adorable devil / 03/21/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

by promposer / 04/04/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (New York) / Love