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Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

by NoOrdinaryNZer / 07/27/2015 at 5:25am / New Zealand (Bay of Plenty) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2015 at 11:00am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

by wellthatsucks / 07/05/2015 at 3:18pm / United States / Love

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

by Nigel / 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

by WhoLikesPie / 07/25/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

by NOOOOOO / 08/16/2015 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

by Brooke / 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

by Fartnonymous / 08/18/2015 at 6:59am / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 4:05pm / Italy (Friuli-Venezia Giulia) / Work

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

by StillLoveMyDogs / 09/09/2015 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, on a nature hike, covered in poison oak rashes from the day before, I accidentally stepped on a hornets' nest. I'm now covered in hornet stings and I can't scratch the poison oak because I might accidentally touch the stings. FML

by RHChiliPeppers / 09/11/2015 at 8:05pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous