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Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28167) - you deserved it (4619)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (12201)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25846) - you deserved it (2152)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

#21433237
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23882) - you deserved it (1516)

On 06/28/2015 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

#21422070
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25604) - you deserved it (2436)

On 06/07/2015 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Gisborne)

Today, after being with my fiance for almost a decade, my future mother-in-law has been accusing me of being a gold digger because we want to buy a house together. She has conveniently forgotten her son was out of work for two years and I supported the both of us. FML

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

#21435132
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21682) - you deserved it (1896)

On 07/01/2015 at 11:10pm - animals - by Alex Andreas - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

#21425174
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28162) - you deserved it (5776)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by silverspud - United States (Colorado)

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

#21417861
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27105) - you deserved it (2411)

On 05/30/2015 at 1:40am - love - by L_lives (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML

#21423823
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28372) - you deserved it (1769)

On 06/10/2015 at 8:00am - misc - by Spa Catholic - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

#21430016
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29149) - you deserved it (3547)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:35am - work - by Iamsosorry (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

#41
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46180) - you deserved it (9517)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Crawling -



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