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Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 12:41am / Animals

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

by Username / 05/26/2011 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

by Username / 05/27/2011 at 5:13pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

by TMI / 06/04/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

by disgusteddaughter / 06/13/2011 at 4:58am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

by asianjoe / 07/10/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

by EwwGross / 08/31/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

by Penkkis / 09/13/2011 at 2:11am / Finland (Lapland) / Love

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

by Cashier / 09/24/2011 at 2:21am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 8:07pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Love