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Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35890) - you deserved it (4061)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29376) - you deserved it (2279)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

#21293619
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33740) - you deserved it (3984)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by really - United States

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38201) - you deserved it (3498)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30250) - you deserved it (3337)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

#21300231
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28120) - you deserved it (3003)

On 11/16/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by INeedaNewJob (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

#21336664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37574) - you deserved it (2676)

On 01/13/2015 at 10:05pm - love - by RipeFlame - United States (Florida)

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23485) - you deserved it (7561)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

#21368646
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34202) - you deserved it (2647)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by cheshirealyce (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

#21335495
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36083) - you deserved it (3126)

On 01/12/2015 at 12:03am - love - by yankeeboy123 - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

#21359655
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (6693)

On 02/20/2015 at 3:12am - misc - by OzzyWannabee - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (2559)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -



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