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Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41421) - you deserved it (3327)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34842) - you deserved it (19125)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

#21125451
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36496) - you deserved it (4601)

On 04/28/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Cat vs. Dog - United States (Wyoming)

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

#21151208
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38944) - you deserved it (6377)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:46pm - love - by aww, such a nice guy. NOT (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

#21168914
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40647) - you deserved it (6652)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:46pm - misc - by Where is it coming from?! (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

#21159082
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36298) - you deserved it (9078)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:28am - animals - by Fat Arsed Lass - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

#21169503
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42456) - you deserved it (4032)

On 06/10/2014 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

#21183278
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47086) - you deserved it (3805)

On 06/21/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by kay-z (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's grandma took me to his house to hang out. I then heard her in the kitchen telling his mom how hard she tried to leave me at the nearest gas station. FML

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

#21182483
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44884) - you deserved it (13934)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by misoranomegami (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

#21184361
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49275) - you deserved it (4980)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:06pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

#21204164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31086) - you deserved it (16101)

On 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32532) - you deserved it (5774)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)



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