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Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2014 at 7:55am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Geek

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

by Itchy Missy / 09/09/2014 at 11:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2014 at 6:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

by berryjones11024 / 09/14/2014 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

by kitkat / 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

by jessiejaybee / 11/18/2014 at 5:41am / United States / Love

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

by 4evalone / 11/01/2014 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Love