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Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML

#20960536
71 comments

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

#20947682
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37315) - you deserved it (4448)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:27pm - work - by Wraith (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39535) - you deserved it (3795)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41906) - you deserved it (6912)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47826) - you deserved it (5091)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39024) - you deserved it (7498)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41815) - you deserved it (2987)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35735) - you deserved it (5235)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50648) - you deserved it (11443)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

#21090227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33525) - you deserved it (7201)

On 03/18/2014 at 6:53pm - animals - by holyshitsnacks - Canada (Ontario)



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