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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

#20677338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45500) - you deserved it (3247)

On 05/21/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

#20703976
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47005) - you deserved it (5312) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/03/2013 at 4:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

#20683274
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36298) - you deserved it (4351)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

#20744309
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46506) - you deserved it (4634)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:06am - kids - by NYCproblems - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40711) - you deserved it (8042)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43134) - you deserved it (8856)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47883) - you deserved it (3337)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21685) - you deserved it (52237)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

#20866691
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37162) - you deserved it (6683)

On 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by JustAnotherFML23 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

#20793573
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42861) - you deserved it (10317)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

#20797095
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53129) - you deserved it (28621)

On 07/22/2013 at 4:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, while relaxing in a chair in a shop, a man approached me and said, "You have no idea how many times I've farted in that chair." FML

#20797188
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (4258)

On 07/22/2013 at 7:49am - misc - by xXxXxTOBIxX (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38937) - you deserved it (3507)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States



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