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Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

#6821281
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (10539)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML

#6888473
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30079) - you deserved it (3931)

On 12/22/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by everyonewasstaring (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

#7124325
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23860) - you deserved it (4807)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:04am - animals - by BW (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

#21343548
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27519) - you deserved it (3027)

On 01/24/2015 at 4:40pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

#7354954
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27874) - you deserved it (2647)

On 01/15/2010 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

#8737803
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26451) - you deserved it (5720)

On 03/01/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by theholt (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23604) - you deserved it (2333)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

#13429842
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18151) - you deserved it (4913)

On 10/13/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by grow_fasterrr - (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

#14151880
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29986) - you deserved it (5158)

On 12/10/2010 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

#14200955
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6484) - you deserved it (32301)

On 12/14/2010 at 10:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

#13269256
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26474) - you deserved it (3929)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:55pm - love - by dontask (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

#13550544
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29570) - you deserved it (3050)

On 10/22/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (More og Romsdal)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

#14194626
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28328) - you deserved it (2822)

On 12/13/2010 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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