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Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML

by agent_awesome / 09/21/2011 at 11:25am / United Kingdom / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Work

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

by jshibbz0993 / 11/23/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

by O__o / 12/09/2011 at 1:43am / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

by michellemoyah / 02/25/2012 at 12:04am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

by salt. / 02/28/2012 at 5:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

by sdk2010 / 03/06/2012 at 12:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

by SakuraFubuki92 / 03/11/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

by anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 4:03am / United States / Health

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

by davey d / 03/15/2012 at 12:13pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

by thyisnothorses / 04/28/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

by singleagain / 05/14/2012 at 9:09pm / United States / Love

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

by Never Work With Animals or Children / 05/26/2012 at 7:06am / United States (California) / Kids