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Today, the girl I like finally replied to a text I sent a week ago. Her reply was: "Don't ever text me again, fuckface." FML

by FuckfaceSteve / 02/01/2015 at 9:59am / United Kingdom (Durham) / Love

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

by NotMacklemore / 02/12/2015 at 11:59pm / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

by iAlissa / 03/13/2015 at 2:36pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

by birdisnottheword / 03/11/2015 at 9:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

by rayraydayday / 03/21/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

by katgib13 / 03/10/2015 at 6:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

by Metallurge / 03/12/2015 at 11:02pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Transportation

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

by BirthdayBoy / 03/27/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

by Anathema_360 / 05/30/2015 at 11:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

by Alex Andreas / 07/01/2015 at 11:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

by allisonpaige21 / 06/18/2015 at 6:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

by qhorin halflung / 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm / Transportation

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

by organizse / 06/20/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous