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Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I spoke to a highly recommended therapist for my special-needs child. After 45 minutes of describing our challenges, heartbreaks and other very personal information, she told me that her schedule was permanently full. But she invited me to go through the phone book to find someone else. FML

by Hi_Five / 12/03/2015 at 3:48pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, some wannabe molester actually used the "Do you know who my dad is?!" line on me as I threw him out of a club. Turns out his dad is my boss's brother. I'm now searching for a new job. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 6:11am / United States / Work

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

by Devotedmom / 01/10/2016 at 4:07am / Belgium (Liege) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Whilst browsing the web, I clicked on an ad that said "How to Get Your Ex Back in a Day". Now I am single and have a computer virus. FML

by lonely / 01/11/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 11:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I took a bus to the city. When I sat down, my hand accidentally slapped again the knee of the guy sitting next to me. I apologized. He responded, "It's just a knee," and started stroking mine. This lasted the entire ride. FML

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

by yova / 03/27/2016 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

by promposer / 04/04/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

by Crawling / 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm / Love

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

by someonevexed / 02/01/2009 at 2:01pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

by sober / 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous