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Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

by Zizi / 07/04/2015 at 9:18am / Norway (Nordland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

by stanky / 06/19/2015 at 10:47am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2015 at 12:39am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML

by yep, she does have a tumblr / 07/17/2015 at 10:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

by gassy / 07/15/2015 at 7:15am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

by grossed out mom / 07/08/2015 at 9:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

by raquel / 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm / United States / Money

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

by ineedaraise / 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

by TheIVkindaruinsthemood / 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

by thekyledavid / 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

by DevastatedWoman / 08/11/2015 at 11:30am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous