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Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

#21270631
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39371) - you deserved it (4254)

On 10/04/2014 at 12:31pm - misc - by runsinthefamily (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44669) - you deserved it (7031)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36274) - you deserved it (4141)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

#21330296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30565) - you deserved it (2795)

On 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Dear Lord Save Me (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

#21309848
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34476) - you deserved it (4431)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:40am - intimacy - by justagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

#21345232
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (1746)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:50pm - work - by bitchypast - United States (Maine)

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

#21364892
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28624) - you deserved it (3231)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35626) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)



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