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Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

#21372437
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35335) - you deserved it (2834)

On 03/11/2015 at 10:01am - work - by nothesisforme - France

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

Today, my boss informed me I couldn't go on my "vacation" because he's leaving for one of his employees' weddings. That just so happens to be my wedding, for which I'm taking the vacation. FML

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

#21464688
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22584) - you deserved it (8504)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my vehicle's transmission shifter moves freely without shifting gears. I'm stuck in park, in a parking lot, unable to even put it into neutral to push the vehicle out of the way of several parked cars. The old lady screaming at me just outside my door doesn't understand logic either. FML

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

#21372027
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31605) - you deserved it (2171)

On 03/10/2015 at 6:38pm - misc - by katgib13 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30767) - you deserved it (4213)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

#21430513
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25783) - you deserved it (5618)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28967) - you deserved it (2305)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

#21451858
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (2517)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

#21464185
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you deserved it (1710)

On 09/03/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Why - United States (California)

Today, I found out my bank charged me $50 for not having any money. Way to go bank, way to go. FML

#21472001
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25324) - you deserved it (3910)

On 09/23/2015 at 9:21pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32459) - you deserved it (2724)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)



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