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Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 2:56am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 8:57am / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

by suhleedah18 / 12/19/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Health

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

by mark / 12/31/2011 at 12:40pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

by CA19oo / 01/15/2012 at 10:08pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

by carssuck / 02/02/2012 at 5:28am / United States / Money

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

by anonymous / 02/07/2012 at 4:27am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

by annoym / 02/21/2012 at 6:49am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

by Blueshock08 / 02/23/2012 at 2:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

by atsukobo / 03/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, I locked myself out of the house. After hours of ringing the doorbell and calling my roommate, I decided to break the window. When I finally got in, my roommate was waiting with a can of pepper spray. FML

by jamboooy / 03/18/2012 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a restaurant, and I saw my friend. When we made eye contact, I made a creepy face at her and twitched my arms to make her laugh. A woman looked over said sadly, "Oh my God, that poor girl!" She thought I was "special." FML

by thatswhatsup66 / 03/20/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

by badadvise / 03/23/2012 at 12:05am / Mexico (Jalisco) / Miscellaneous