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Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, a week after I lost my wallet, replaced the majority of my ID cards, canceled my debit card, and went to the DMV and paid for a replacement driver's license, I found my wallet. It was in my shoe. FML

by eddiemusicjazz / 05/26/2012 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

by straightlyconfused / 05/27/2012 at 9:20am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 10:06am / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 1:22am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

by mississippi123 / 08/06/2012 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

by annonymous / 09/19/2012 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

by tiredeolfatty / 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML

by bluefrisky / 09/29/2012 at 3:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

by jessmess / 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

by Ashley / 09/06/2012 at 8:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 5:57am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm / United States / Love