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Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45953) - you deserved it (8728)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49436) - you deserved it (3861)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

#5794322
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28074) - you deserved it (4792)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by shocked (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

#5327120
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28378) - you deserved it (5777)

On 09/18/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by ben (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

#5719092
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33826) - you deserved it (3085)

On 10/08/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Irony (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

#4533889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43174) - you deserved it (4606)

On 08/14/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by waitthatsnotme (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

#4028166
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16005) - you deserved it (40867)

On 07/25/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by PeterRabit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

#4974765
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11460) - you deserved it (39939)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20114) - you deserved it (3676)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29825) - you deserved it (7759)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

#5453638
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22235) - you deserved it (3354)

On 09/24/2009 at 7:50pm - love - by frenchfrypotater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

#4942849
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36158) - you deserved it (5510)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm - misc - by LGFLIPSTER (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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