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Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

by harvdog / 10/02/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

by meegs / 10/16/2010 at 8:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

by lovemyteacher / 11/14/2010 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

by Jack / 11/30/2010 at 3:48am / Intimacy

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 6:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

by homeless / 12/14/2010 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

by BlackRavenWings / 11/21/2010 at 5:36pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

by neverdateaclosetcase / 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 7:02pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Alberta) / Love