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Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

#18819143
431 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32866) - you deserved it (7237)

On 01/15/2012 at 10:30pm - love - by geeklove - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

#6303119
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17531) - you deserved it (45323)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34316) - you deserved it (6202)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15271) - you deserved it (236234)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

#11117532
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57048) - you deserved it (22393)

On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

#15177236
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27318) - you deserved it (55053)

On 03/02/2011 at 6:21pm - money - by me - United States (Washington)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14795) - you deserved it (55536)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57632) - you deserved it (3566)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448
476 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59519) - you deserved it (9854)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117533) - you deserved it (13617)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

#15415260
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32747) - you deserved it (54933)

On 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by fffmmll - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

#18547021
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22004) - you deserved it (16996)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

#18202130
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49914) - you deserved it (7016)

On 11/09/2011 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada



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