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Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

#16077554
482 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11604) - you deserved it (66098)

On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12906) - you deserved it (54439)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

#4235040
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12169) - you deserved it (111851)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34483) - you deserved it (113996)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

#18547021
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17227) - you deserved it (15212)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
459 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47980) - you deserved it (60053)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
445 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39356) - you deserved it (5803)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8106) - you deserved it (108849)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15961) - you deserved it (55054)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

#3470108
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61045) - you deserved it (11745)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

#12899907
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27483) - you deserved it (11005)

On 09/04/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by pencilring (woman) - United States



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