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Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
459 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53852) - you deserved it (67661)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18276) - you deserved it (80860)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23795) - you deserved it (233556)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

#8719561
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8235) - you deserved it (57459)

On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29281) - you deserved it (304602)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44607) - you deserved it (151040)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40985) - you deserved it (135642)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

#1968718
453 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (66804)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm - love - by not4geeks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

#2695663
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26425) - you deserved it (57017)

On 06/07/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by Jebus (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57423) - you deserved it (11031)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

#12841369
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19861) - you deserved it (64185)

On 08/31/2010 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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