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Friday 27 February 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

#21362632
106 comments

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26437) - you deserved it (2048)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

#21364143
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16253) - you deserved it (1473)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20993) - you deserved it (9721)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

#21361977
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26962) - you deserved it (4585)

On 02/23/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by hatemebeforetheyevenhatch (woman) - United Kingdom (West Dunbartonshire)

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

#21363220
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25879) - you deserved it (2310)

On 02/25/2015 at 9:18am - work - by mags89 - United States

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21610) - you deserved it (4411)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

Today, I T-boned a woman who pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. According to her, the accident was my fault because she "didn't see" me. FML

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

#21363900
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21259) - you deserved it (3299)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:18am - health - by gatewayev700 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23128) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19054) - you deserved it (8472)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22470) - you deserved it (2392)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)



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Friday 27 February 2015

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