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Monday 10 March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51138) - you deserved it (7141)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

#21088206
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45036) - you deserved it (3996)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the heater went out at work. I was shivering so hard that someone thought I was having a seizure. FML

#21083045
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41964) - you deserved it (3913)

On 03/10/2014 at 10:23am - work - by Frozen (man) - United States

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

#21084209
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42819) - you deserved it (6972)

On 03/11/2014 at 6:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44272) - you deserved it (21174)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

#21083870
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42150) - you deserved it (6110)

On 03/11/2014 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

#21084790
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45313) - you deserved it (5176)

On 03/12/2014 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

#21088136
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42768) - you deserved it (6836)

On 03/16/2014 at 1:53pm - love - by cumbucket cops (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

#21083937
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35465) - you deserved it (16215)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58028) - you deserved it (7249)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41172) - you deserved it (5902)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

#21087465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40359) - you deserved it (11093)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:02pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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