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Wednesday 12 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31681) - you deserved it (47862)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

#21057323
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46676) - you deserved it (6091)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48040) - you deserved it (5506)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46562) - you deserved it (6576)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52804) - you deserved it (7859)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

#21064367
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25559) - you deserved it (42534)

On 02/18/2014 at 11:31am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48406) - you deserved it (17867)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61421) - you deserved it (4562)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45844) - you deserved it (3958)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

#21063397
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43090) - you deserved it (6404)

On 02/17/2014 at 1:28pm - love - by kj1 (woman) - United States (Utah)



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