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Friday 31 January 2014

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Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

by well i'm fucked / 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

by juice723 / 02/01/2014 at 9:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

by mariana / 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

by wtfjusthappened / 01/31/2014 at 10:29am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

by :( / 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm / Algeria / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

by mylifesucks / 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm / Intimacy

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

by australian6196 / 02/04/2014 at 9:36pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

by dope_mcfly / 01/29/2014 at 11:55am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

by anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm / United States / Health

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous