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Friday 24 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44190) - you deserved it (9954)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

#21039686
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49475) - you deserved it (3995)

On 01/25/2014 at 3:34pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (48532)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42172) - you deserved it (4617)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

#21044284
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44787) - you deserved it (6914)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by CUNTCUNTCUNT (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51514) - you deserved it (10146)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

#21040204
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53481) - you deserved it (4961)

On 01/26/2014 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47857) - you deserved it (5191)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

#21043075
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40954) - you deserved it (3820)

On 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51658) - you deserved it (5851)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

#21042087
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53447) - you deserved it (4469)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm - health - by knobbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45514) - you deserved it (30856)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39183) - you deserved it (21234)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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