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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

TODAY, MAH GRLFRIEND WAS SPENDING THE DAY AT MAH PLACE. LATER ON, I WALKED IN WHILE SHE WAS MAKING LUNCH. SHE HAD A JAR OF MAYO IN HER HAND, AN I JOKED, "I HAVE SOME MAYO, BUT IT DOESN'T COME FROM A JAR." SHE HAD A BLUETOOTH HEADSET ON, AN WAS IN A CALL WITH HER FATHER. 5ML

#21037484
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40988) - you deserved it (22499)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, mah husband jokingly told mah daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest an ugliest person there!! We went shopping after an she let a HUGE fart out!! She gasped, ( Mommy! ) FML

#21031501
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47953) - you deserved it (7060)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:45am - kids - by FattestUgliestPerson (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today... mah boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into mah ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing... he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50779) - you deserved it (7903)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended!! FML

#21036028
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48878) - you deserved it (3850)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, mah mom askd me when I'm going to propose to mah girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

#21038079
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43605) - you deserved it (4872)

On 01/24/2014 at 10:11am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted mah cute nieghbor doing the same!! In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on mah iced-over porch!! I passed out and woke up with a note on mah chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside"!! FML

#21027337
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46908) - you deserved it (7325)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my naw calculu taachar taught avarything using nothing but soccar tarms and analogias, just so tha rasidant idiot maathaad would undarstand . I didn't laarn a thing . FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40109) - you deserved it (4944)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk . She got up, cummed into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games . I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left . She doesn't remember a thing . FML

#21035414
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43966) - you deserved it (5866)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, My Mom Took A Pictura Of Ma . All Sha Could Say About Tha Pictura Was, ( At Laast Yur Sistar Is Pratty . ) 5ML

#21038006
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40508) - you deserved it (3681)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:36am - love - by MH - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, ma grandfater told me tat I was ugly. Wen ma mom found out, se said tat "old people r allowed to tell te trut". FML

#21028123
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45729) - you deserved it (4449)

On 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm - misc - by Pop - United States (New York)

Today... I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming... peieng all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. mega FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (48689)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

YESTERDAY I SIGNED UP FOR A DATING SITE AND USED A PHOTO OF MY MOTHER AND ME AT A WEDDING . EVERYONE STOPS RESPONDING WHEN THEY FINE OUT THEIR TALKING TO ME AND NOT HER . FML

#21030662
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39724) - you deserved it (8315)

On 01/17/2014 at 7:49am - misc - by dylanhollis - United States (Texas)



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