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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

#21031915
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54651) - you deserved it (5590)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by yes i meant ex-boyfriend (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48641) - you deserved it (32841)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

#21035253
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46371) - you deserved it (5860)

On 01/21/2014 at 5:27pm - health - by cuntocracy (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46360) - you deserved it (4269)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50499) - you deserved it (18230)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45340) - you deserved it (24893)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46446) - you deserved it (5376)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47551) - you deserved it (7670)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

#21027645
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36393) - you deserved it (17889)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53866) - you deserved it (8265)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57874) - you deserved it (5699)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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