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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45648) - you deserved it (30947)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

#21035253
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45662) - you deserved it (5792)

On 01/21/2014 at 5:27pm - health - by cuntocracy (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44395) - you deserved it (4075)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63025) - you deserved it (5611)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44571) - you deserved it (5200)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

#21027645
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33830) - you deserved it (16785)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56604) - you deserved it (5593)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49003) - you deserved it (3858)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44436) - you deserved it (4759)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52800) - you deserved it (8139)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43050) - you deserved it (7079)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States



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