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Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21899) - you deserved it (48804)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

#21030662
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41083) - you deserved it (8569)

On 01/17/2014 at 7:49am - misc - by dylanhollis - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

#21020871
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51276) - you deserved it (4068)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Jae_Hellyun (man) - United States

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

#21021391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38729) - you deserved it (13457)

On 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm - money - by Can2 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

#21020358
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50880) - you deserved it (9545)

On 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by owl + bungee cord (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53644) - you deserved it (11408)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

#21023884
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38886) - you deserved it (4488)

On 01/10/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by lk mm, n vwls (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

#21031005
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40603) - you deserved it (5180)

On 01/17/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

#21028790
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42888) - you deserved it (5662)

On 01/15/2014 at 2:22pm - misc - by coop42 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

#21025291
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49484) - you deserved it (4457)

On 01/12/2014 at 3:03am - kids - by -_- - United States

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "after I eat" or maybe even "when I'm tired". What I got was "every second since you were born". FML

#21022393
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41912) - you deserved it (5164)

On 01/09/2014 at 11:01am - love - by BornToBeABurden (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML



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