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Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43259) - you deserved it (5115)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

#21020071
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41405) - you deserved it (4507)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:41am - love - by fat - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

#21019101
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43470) - you deserved it (8917)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40083) - you deserved it (4942)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49237) - you deserved it (7601)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47083) - you deserved it (4506)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31800) - you deserved it (39467)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39452) - you deserved it (11027)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

#21028123
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45698) - you deserved it (4446)

On 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm - misc - by Pop - United States (New York)

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

#21020870
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36295) - you deserved it (32584)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46411) - you deserved it (8728)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (48664)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

#21022033
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27011) - you deserved it (35195)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)



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