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Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58704) - you deserved it (5209)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41678) - you deserved it (3593)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

#21022498
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43540) - you deserved it (4274)

On 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52650) - you deserved it (4771)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60998) - you deserved it (7340)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

#21018719
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50537) - you deserved it (6029)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Seriously? -

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

#21025356
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43623) - you deserved it (3565)

On 01/12/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by tired individual (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52856) - you deserved it (5233)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48447) - you deserved it (4671)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42623) - you deserved it (4598)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37826) - you deserved it (8294)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44974) - you deserved it (5317)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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