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Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60067) - you deserved it (6004)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46446) - you deserved it (5376)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44811) - you deserved it (3865)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40680) - you deserved it (8736)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

#21023769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38969) - you deserved it (16985)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

#21027645
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36393) - you deserved it (17889)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

#21025356
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45490) - you deserved it (3721)

On 01/12/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by tired individual (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49378) - you deserved it (5277)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

#21020071
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44616) - you deserved it (4824)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:41am - love - by fat - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57873) - you deserved it (5699)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34028) - you deserved it (42486)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45196) - you deserved it (4812)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)



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