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Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

#21022498
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44303) - you deserved it (4340)

On 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48261) - you deserved it (5649)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

#21020576
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29299) - you deserved it (56601)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

#21027843
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45720) - you deserved it (8044)

On 01/14/2014 at 5:06pm - money - by chiktikka (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

#21020397
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51406) - you deserved it (4994)

On 01/07/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48389) - you deserved it (5432)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41753) - you deserved it (13064)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44402) - you deserved it (4075)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58377) - you deserved it (5857)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63029) - you deserved it (5611)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45689) - you deserved it (5310)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41760) - you deserved it (3597)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)



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