Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

#21020397
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52621) - you deserved it (5086)

On 01/07/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63145) - you deserved it (7542)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64193) - you deserved it (5717)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

#21022498
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45120) - you deserved it (4407)

On 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49123) - you deserved it (5728)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

#21020576
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30521) - you deserved it (58972)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

#21027843
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47504) - you deserved it (8228)

On 01/14/2014 at 5:06pm - money - by chiktikka (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49185) - you deserved it (5488)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42505) - you deserved it (13269)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46364) - you deserved it (4269)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

#21018719
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53948) - you deserved it (6379)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Seriously? -

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55755) - you deserved it (5057)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51232) - you deserved it (4822)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: