Choose the period

Sunday 22 December 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

by blackcarnation / 12/22/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my manager rejected my leave application for Christmas. Later I found out that I'm going to be the only employee working at the office during Christmas. FML

by homerr123 / 12/23/2013 at 12:35pm / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

by Sophies / 12/25/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Money

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

by abc123 / 12/16/2013 at 11:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

by you fucking idiot / 12/19/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

by Ramis182 / 12/16/2013 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

by anon / 12/27/2013 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

by Isitreallythatbad, / 12/22/2013 at 12:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

by dazed and confused / 12/16/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 4:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous