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Friday 15 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

#20959868
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22782) - you deserved it (43991)

On 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

#20967131
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38524) - you deserved it (5398)

On 11/22/2013 at 6:14pm - kids - by houdinette (woman) - Sweden (Ostergotlands Lan)

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34816) - you deserved it (3819)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48150) - you deserved it (12654)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

#20967242
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (4645)

On 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm - love - by quit fucking up my life (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44672) - you deserved it (18042)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

#20966742
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49971) - you deserved it (3777)

On 11/22/2013 at 9:49am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

#20962344
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48893) - you deserved it (9514)

On 11/18/2013 at 5:14pm - money - by poorman - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

#20960004
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45057) - you deserved it (2734)

On 11/16/2013 at 4:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55631) - you deserved it (4075)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML



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