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Friday 15 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

#20954137
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43676) - you deserved it (9745)

On 11/11/2013 at 4:41pm - love - by Cheer4Life (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

#20967242
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46114) - you deserved it (4675)

On 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm - love - by quit fucking up my life (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

#20967131
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40766) - you deserved it (5675)

On 11/22/2013 at 6:14pm - kids - by houdinette (woman) - Sweden (Ostergotlands Lan)

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (4055)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

#20961774
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33104) - you deserved it (3633)

On 11/18/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by kb (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

#20956092
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57283) - you deserved it (3416)

On 11/13/2013 at 6:08am - kids - by little_star78 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44711) - you deserved it (18057)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58207) - you deserved it (4284)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

#20960004
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45092) - you deserved it (2735)

On 11/16/2013 at 4:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

#20960082
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50607) - you deserved it (2882)

On 11/16/2013 at 6:39pm - work - by Remy (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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