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Friday 1 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

#20948735
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56658) - you deserved it (7013)

On 11/07/2013 at 3:52am - intimacy - by thatescalatedquickly (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47385) - you deserved it (3614)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56089) - you deserved it (8141)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I could think of more 'pros' than 'cons' for why I should start drinking again. FML

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

#20947778
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47081) - you deserved it (4948)

On 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by s3xygrandpa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48798) - you deserved it (5535)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

#20942179
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26954) - you deserved it (45865)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:27am - love - by LockedOut (man) - United States

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

#20937890
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50275) - you deserved it (5415)

On 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

#20944161
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42384) - you deserved it (4634)

On 11/03/2013 at 5:27pm - kids - by don'tdrinkthat - United States (Illinois)

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

#20947922
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45928) - you deserved it (4174)

On 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm - misc - by awkward - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

#20940427
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50720) - you deserved it (3404)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, after being forced to take my little sister trick-or-treating, we had the cops called on us twice. She thought it would be funny to tell all the people giving out candy that I'd been following her around and that she had no idea who I was, and that she was scared of me. FML

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

#20943458
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53961) - you deserved it (5562)

On 11/03/2013 at 4:57am - love - by Whatswrongwithme? (man) - United Kingdom



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