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Yesterday I Took My Two And A Half Year-old Son Trick Or Treating Fir The First Time In Our New Nieghborhood. At The Very First House, A Girl Told Us We Were Too Early And Slammed The Door In Our Face. My Son Cried. FML
Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican!! After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, ( That's the same f*cking thing!! If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican!! ) FML
Yesterday, like every other day, mah daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is looool very "non-conformist" an "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punchd her in the face when she accusd her of bieng anorexic. Now people think I gave mah daughter her new black eye. real FML
Today, My Mom Found A New Fad, And Now Styles Herself As Some Kind Of Modern Druid. Normally I'd Just Roll My Eyes And Deal With It, Except She's Forced The Entire Family To Go Vegetarian, Threatening Harsh Punishments If We Refuse To Stop ( Poisoning ) Our Bodies. FML
TODAY WHILE I WAS WORKING OUT I WAS LISTENING TO MUSIC WITH MY EARBUDS IN. THE POKÉMON THEME STARTED PLAYING AND I BEGUN SINGING ALONG. IT WASN'T TOO LONG AFTER THAT I REMEMBERED I WAS IN A CROWDED GYM ON A MILITARY BASE. FML
Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview!! Turns out there's a grl on Twitter with my name and ageho tweet nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation!! She won't make her profile private!! FML
yesterday it's the fourth day of mah new diet. I told mah friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in mah pocket then scarfed them downhile pooping. FML
Today, I Was Telling My Friends A Story. I Addd A Few ( Embellisments ) To Make It More Intense. One My Friends Pipd Up Wit, ( I Was Wit You, Alf Of Wat U Just Said Wasn't True ). It's Now All Over Facebook And I'm Known As ( Te Bullsitter ). FML
Today tere was a power outage at my apartment . I endd up deciding tat te power wasn't going to come on any time soon and tat I sould go to a otel 4 te nigt . Just after I unpackd at te otel my neigbor calld to say te power ad come back . FML
Today, I rushd to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologizd for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He respondd with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands."
Today My Husband Was Getting Undressed!! I Told My 2-year-old Daughter To Go In Our Bedroom Because He Was Undressing In There!! I Turned My Back An She Instantly Ran Off To My Bedroom!! I Heard Her Shout ( I Can See Daddy's Tail! ) Now She Points To Everyone's Crotch An Shouts ( TAIL! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015