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Monday 28 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

#20942627
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42517) - you deserved it (6688)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:46pm - kids - by curvster daughter (man) - United States

Today, I took my two and a half year-old son Trick or Treating for the first time in our new neighborhood. At the very first house, a girl told us we were too early and slammed the door in our face. My son cried. FML

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

#20940589
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40687) - you deserved it (11919)

On 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by GymBattle (man) - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46546) - you deserved it (20634)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

#20943580
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53163) - you deserved it (6790)

On 11/03/2013 at 9:22am - kids - by KittyKat (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

#20937985
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49077) - you deserved it (13361)

On 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

#20943896
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (3249)

On 11/03/2013 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

#20942793
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21645) - you deserved it (42525)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by FUCKING POWER - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

#20940116
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38744) - you deserved it (14831)

On 10/31/2013 at 10:30am - love - by AML (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17447) - you deserved it (69304)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

#20937522
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58230) - you deserved it (4345)

On 10/29/2013 at 12:24am - love - by cmart_9 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

#20944947
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47267) - you deserved it (3401)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:08am - work - by twitterfailsme (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

#20941432
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18357) - you deserved it (47591)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:52pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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