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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML

Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML

Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML

#20928856
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42743) - you deserved it (4338)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56038) - you deserved it (9589)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

#20930913
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47181) - you deserved it (4847)

On 10/23/2013 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44341) - you deserved it (6676)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45405) - you deserved it (3149)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

#20933884
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46342) - you deserved it (5094)

On 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45579) - you deserved it (3041)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

#20933837
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44562) - you deserved it (3632)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

#20928840
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49232) - you deserved it (4810)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by other woman - United States (California)

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

#20930754
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51587) - you deserved it (4374)

On 10/23/2013 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

#20930096
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44292) - you deserved it (2987)

On 10/22/2013 at 10:24am - kids - by jdawn99 - United States (Kansas)



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