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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50067) - you deserved it (8584)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

#20933703
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40103) - you deserved it (2787)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41573) - you deserved it (6302)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

#20930913
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44206) - you deserved it (3934)

On 10/23/2013 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42094) - you deserved it (4376)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43296) - you deserved it (2970)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

#20933837
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40820) - you deserved it (3298)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

#20933884
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41853) - you deserved it (4608)

On 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

#20928840
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46602) - you deserved it (4523)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by other woman - United States (California)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28759) - you deserved it (9643)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

#20930096
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40983) - you deserved it (2717)

On 10/22/2013 at 10:24am - kids - by jdawn99 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

#20933214
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (3686)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:01am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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