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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58235) - you deserved it (9914)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

#20933884
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47466) - you deserved it (5194)

On 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

#20930913
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49960) - you deserved it (5114)

On 10/23/2013 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47437) - you deserved it (3166)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

#20933703
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46929) - you deserved it (3667)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46495) - you deserved it (20740)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48816) - you deserved it (3444)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

#20933214
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50693) - you deserved it (4499)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:01am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

#20934033
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51474) - you deserved it (3562)

On 10/25/2013 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46405) - you deserved it (6933)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

#20928840
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52808) - you deserved it (5170)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by other woman - United States (California)



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