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Friday 18 October 2013

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Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML

by monsterdanceman / 10/23/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

by kiwibox / 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Animals

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

by other woman / 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2013 at 3:40am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 2:19pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

by jdawn99 / 10/22/2013 at 10:24am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 2:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 2:48pm / Belize (Belize) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 9:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous