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Friday 18 October 2013

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Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML

by way2go / 10/23/2013 at 12:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

by U_U / 10/20/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

by soccer_bball / 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

by highlydisgusted / 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 5:01am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

by AchievementUnlocked? / 10/19/2013 at 3:30am / United States / Love

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

by OutOfMyMind / 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

by what did I do? / 10/25/2013 at 7:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

by STOPTHENOISE / 10/14/2013 at 9:10am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

by collegegrad / 10/15/2013 at 11:51am / United States (New York) / Work